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The Irelanders meets Inspector Gadget (1999)/Transcript
This is the script for The Irelanders meets Inspector Gadget (1999). [Man Yelling] Help! [Children Screaming] Man: See you at the P. T.A. Meeting. [Whistling] Woman: Good morning, Officer Brown. Morning. Man: Officer Brown! How do you do? Morning. [Whistling] [Children Screaming] [Screaming] No brakes! Help, Uncle John! Somebody help! Save us! Help! [Gasps] [Children Screaming] [Screaming] Where’s Officer Brown? [Squeals] [Grunts] [Screaming] [Grunting] [Gasping] [Screaming] [Gasps] [Screaming] Help! [Children, Crowd Screaming] [All Gasp, Sigh] - Hey, the dog! - All The dog! - Howls Cheers Girl Oh, Harvey! Officer Brown, you’re my hero. Oh, please, miss. It was nothing. Oh, geez… All in a day’s work, ma’am. Any cop woulda done the same. Brain? Yech. Laughing Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John? Every time I close my eyes. How was school? Fine. Don’t forget: Tomorrow’s the day parents come and talk about their careers. Oh. Well, I might have to work. You want me to ask off? Oh, no. That’s okay. Parents coming to school… whose idea was that anyway? - But if it’s important to you, Penny… - Did the letter come? Letter? Uh, gee, well… What letter? I don’t… Oh, yes. They said two years as a security guard isn’t enough experience to be a cop. - Uncle John, I’m sorry. - Me too. Well, I can still secure and protect. I just think I could do so much more good as a cop. Hey, wait a minute. Tomorrow’s your day off. Oh, well… Sighs Look, I know that Nicole’s dad is a lawyer, and Kim’s dad is a dentist, and I just didn’t want to embarrass you with your friends. If I only had that badge. Uncle John, it’s not the badge, it’s the heart behind it. I’m very proud of you. Woman Fingers crossed. This chip is gonna make the whole Gadget project work. - Dad, concentrate. Try to move the foot. - Sighs Man All right. Kick the ball. Sighs Nothin’. I’m hungry. Okay, all right. I’ll go get us some dinner. But then we keep going. - Yeah. - Okay. I’ll call the guardhouse… so they don’t search the deliver guy again. Hello, Antonio’s? Yeah, it’s Brenda. No, foot’s still not moving. - Dad, keep thinking about that foot. Yep, the usual. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. ## Humming ## Humming - Gasping Dad. - Hmm? What? Stammers Tap your foot again. - What? - Huh. That’s weird. Wh-What were you thinking about? I was thinking about how much you remind me of your mother. Snickers Wait a second. Wait a second! That’s it! It’s animated by will, not by thought. By your heart, not your head! Laughing - Come on, try it again. Do it again! - All right. Laughing Together We did it! We moved the foot! - Woman Jack, queen… - Whistles John Brenda Bradford… she’s so beautiful. - Wowser. - Woman Black eight on the red nine… - What? - Oh, oh, nothin’. I was just talkin’ to myself. Thelma, how do I look? Like a geek from Kansas who became a security guard. - Meowing - Man Brenda Bradford. Well, good evening, young lady. It’s been a while. Chuckles - Four, three, two, one, zero. - ## Humming - Beeps - Go. - Dr Bradford. - Yes? - Hi. - Hi. - I borrowed a book from your dad. - You did? - Power Learning Through Speed Study. - Oh. It took me forever to get through it. But I really think it’s gonna pay off, though. I just applied to the Riverton police force. - Yeah? - It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. - Help people, that is. - Um, I gotta… Dr Bradford is out of the lab and we can go in. Sikes, release the remote-control van. Beeping - Nice stars. - Yeah? Which ones? I just meant the whole… - All of’em. - Oh, I thought you meant a specific cluster. I always take everything so literally. - So do I. - Yeah? I forgot my keys. - Oh. - Chuckles - I’m… Okay. Night. - Sorry. Good night, now. Sighs Well, I’ll just stay here, then, and, uh, secure the parking lot. Screeching Concentrate, you twit! Hey, that guy’s speeding. Ten miles an hour in the parking lot, buddy! - No-no-no-no, straight ahead! No, left! - Bad cat. Bad cat. Left, Sikes, turn! - What was that? - We have an intruder on the premises… a black van. - Where? - Try that big hole in the wall! Gasps Brenda. - Huh? - Hello, Artemus. I’ll take that. Oh, no, wait. No, no, no, no! - Now, just a moment… Gasps - Arrivederci, Professor. Uh-oh! Someone’s gonna blame the old lady. Sniffy, let’s go. Sobbing Dr Bradford, I won’t rest until lfind whoever’s responsible. Justice will be served. Brown, where are you going? - To catch the bad guys! Stand back, Thelma! - This isn’t going to end well. - You’re not on duty, Brown! - I’m always on duty! Sighs Laughing Yelling Honking Oh, no. We’re being chased by the hatchback squad. Laughs Hey, I have a hatchback. Ooh. Oh! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa-oah! Now you’ve crossed the line. Pull over, you! - Stop the car, Sikes. I want to enjoy this. - Laughing Oh, gosh! Oh! - Laughing - Laughing Laughing Uh-oh. # Yahoo # Attention! Driver of the wrecked limo… attached to the Yahoo! Billboard, this is Security Officer John Brown. Please step out of the vehicle immediately… or… else. Fine work, Mr Security Guard. You got me. - Here. Have a victory cigar. - No, thanks. Remember: Smoking kills. - I don’t smoke. - Oh, really? You will now. Laughing John Oh, boy. Screams Shrieking My hand! Pardon me! Excuse me! Comin’through! - Hey, have you seen my uncle, John Brown? - Uh, he’s in there. Uncle John? Please wake up. I know you can hear me. Look who I brought to visit. Look, it’s Brain. He came to see you. Okay. No. Not in his mouth, Brain. No. No. Okay, stop. We’re lookin’at extensive tissue damage: 44 fractures, a major concussion, all coupled with extensive internal trauma. This man tried to save my father. His risked his life to protect our work. - We’ve done all we can. - Not yet, we haven’t. - Mayor’s coming through! Clear the way! - Dr Bradford! Clear for the mayor! Dr Bradford, both I and Police Chief Quimby here… - Hi. - Are very sorry to hear about your father. - He was a good man. - Oh. D-Did you know him? No, I didn’t. So, how soon can you finish the Gadget project, hmm? I’m sure that he would have wanted me to finish it as soon as possible. - Mmm. Oh. - Yeah. With the, uh, "English Patient" there? - That’s enough, Quimby. - Sorry. Just doesn’t look like you got off to a good start. Laughing So, how can you be so sure that this is the proper subject? Dad told me that I would know when the right man came along. John Brown’s the right man. - Well. - Well. That’s good enough for me. Laughs Let’s go. All Hmm. - Chain saw! - Waxy build-up, stat. - Bring in the hoses, stat! Continue Noisily Man Ready, and… break! It’s a thing of beauty, Quimby. The future of law enforcement reborn before our very eyes. Yeah… Columbo and Nintendo all rolled into one. He’ll make you obsolete: No overtime, no hazard pay, no blue flu. Laughs And he won’t call me "Evil Gidget" behind my back. Oh, by the way, what do we have on the Artemus Bradford murder? Well, we got a limo with no licence… and some scrap metal from whatever it was that broke into the lab. - Do we at least know what was stolen? - According to Doctor Bradford, - a robotic foot. - Robotic foot. - A robotic foot? - Yeah. What kind of cyberfreak are we dealing with? Man Not bad, Kramer. - Not bad at all. - Sigh It’s got a sort of postmodern Captain Hook kind of feel to it. Very diabolical. Chuckles I deserve a dashing appellation. "Dashing Appalachian"? What is that? A hillbilly with a tuxedo? - No, you idiot! - No! Chuckles It’s a nickname… one that will send my enemies cowering in fear. Ah. Ah, too bad "Hook" is taken, huh? - How ‘bout…"Captain Claw"? - Oh. - No, no, no, no, no… - Or "Santa Claw." Just "Claw." One word, like "Madonna." Well, anyhoo, Captain… Sir… Mr Claw, I know how much you like to maintain an active lifestyle, so I have managed to design… a few interchangeable options. - Hi, hi. Laughs - Oh, very clever, Kramer. Mocking "Very clever, Kramer." - Very clever, indeed. Chuckles - Gasps Well, first we have the opera hand… for those special nights out. And I know how much you enjoy Japanese food, so I made you a sushi hand… see there? Eating Tasty. - Hmm. - Nervously Also, I don’t remember if you enjoy the medieval fare, but… Kramer, that’s enough. Sikes, bring on the foot. - Sighs - Oops. Hmm? Whirring Clang Whizzing - Chirping - What the… What have they got me on? Ooh! Ooh! Oh, my… Oh! Ooh! Screams Shrieking - I, um… - Your thumb’s on fire! - I seem to be having a reaction. - Shrieking - Mr Brown. - Oh. Oh, it’s you. It’s all right. It’s all right. - Panting Um, I, uh… - Noises Continue I don’t know what’s wrong. I, uh… I seem to be ill, and I can’t remember anything. You may not remember very much right now. You suffered a major concussion in the explosion. - What happened? - You’ve just come out of a very long recovery. You are now a sophisticated network of tissue, hardware and software. No! I gotta get outta here. Mr Brown… Mr Brown, come back here. We’re gonna go in… I’ll take… Gasps Panting Look, Mr Brown, I know that this is all new for you, and it must feel strange. - Whirring - You will adjust. - My head is very heavy. - Don’t worry. That’s easy to fix. Grunts I don’t wanna be like this. I don’t understand what happened to me. John, we saved your life. I’m not me any more. I’m a hardware store. This is a huge opportunity. You were designed… as the first prototype cyber police officer for the Riverton Police Department. You said yourself you wanted to help people… this is your chance. - I do want to help people. - I know. - Aiyee! - Oh! - Coughs - I’ll be with you every step of the way. Okay. I’d shake your hand but you might lose an eye. Man An android of this quality could have a myriad of uses: Shock troops, kamikaze pilots, hit men. International rescue workers, teachers. Oh, yes. I was getting to them. Well, let’s see him in action, huh? Okay. Oh, I’ll strap myself in. Okay. Turn me on, Kramer. Straining Move, darn you! Move! - Straining - It’s a lemon. Thank you for that, Sikes. - You put it on. Come on. - Why can’t he do it? He’s capable of intelligent thought. That’s useful to me. Chuckles Now, strap you in. Perhaps if we give him maximum voltage. - Moans - Yeah, that might work. Moaning I want my… mama! Yelling, Whimpering Something got left behind. What does Brenda have that I don’t? Brenda This is the single most important component: The neurone synapse amplifier. It’s a high-powered processor chip… that increases the charge in the human brain wave… enough to move the machinery that’s now built into your body. Without this chip… the most powerful robotics chip in the world… your body couldn’t possibly function. - Any more questions? - Nope, I’m fine. Guess it just takes a little getting used to, you know? Good. Then I will just give you your manual to study. Bird-Cawing Sounds Volume one. Mm-hmm. Looks like the usual stuff: Extendo-legs, helicopter hat. - Guess I’m all set then. - Right. Oh! There’s one more thing. I almost forgot. It’s important. Your new wardrobe. The Gadget suit. Okay, so if you want to operate one of your gadgets, you simply say "Go, go, Gadget," and then you name the device. Well, couldn’t I say something more official, like, like, "In the name of justice." Giggles Well, you could, but it wouldn’t work. But "Go, go, Gadget," sounds so… My father designed the programme, and he… Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! It’s "Go, go, Gadget." - I really like it. - Okay. Good. I’m glad. So, okay, let’s say there are two guys trying to rob a jewellery store, and you wanted to trip ‘em up… what would you do? - Okay, uh, let me think. - ## Theme Plays Go, go, Gadget… oil slick. That’s not oil, it’s toothpaste! - Ooh! Ooh! - Laughing Laughing Stop it! - Whoa! - Say, "Go, go, Gadget, stop"! - Go, go, stop! - We’re gonna need some more work with you. ## Humming Try to visualize your goal. Concentrate. Put all other things out of your head… except obtaining the balls. Okay. He’s just like the "Six Million Dollar Man." Sighs - Screams - Screams - Wha-What? Falsetto Ungrip! Ungrip! Turn it off! Chuckling Well, I guess $6 million doesn’t buy what it used to. - Continues Screaming - Excuse me. Falsetto He is not a man, you know. He is a monster. I’ve got something special to show you. Ta-da! The Gadgetmobile. - Wow. - It’s for you. I made it myself. - Come on. - You made me a car? The only thing anybody’s ever made me before is a sweater. All right. Now, it may look simple, but this thing has just about as many factory extras as you do. Come on! Get in there! - Oh… - Watch the coat. Okay. Whirring, Beeping John Gosh, she’s incredible. - Oh, it’s a he. - Excuse me? You’ll see. Okay, now, it has voice activation, ejection seats, a power-assisted metamorphic camouflage system, a cardio-homing device. - Then there’s a periscope, a candy… - Dr Bradford, there’s something I just have to ask you. - Oh, just say, "Go, go, Gadgetmobile." - Yes, but will you… - "Go, go, Gadgetmobile"? - Good morning, Riverton! Hey! Who’s in the car? I work alone. Hey, before we hit the road, I gotta tell you somethin’. Duck! - Gasps - I don’t think the car likes me. Who you callin’ "car"? I’m a crime-fighting machine. Watch this. Left turn! - Haven’t you fallen out yet? - No, sir, I haven’t! - Who are you, rookie? - I’m Officer John Brown, and you’re exceeding the speed limit. Speed limits are for cars, not the Gadgetmobile. - Are you talking to me? - Speakin’ of the law, who’s not wearing a seat belt? - Gotta wear the belt, baby! - Hey! It’s a Disney movie. Now, I’m gonna fight me some crime. Whoo! Gadgetmobile More left turns! Could you slow down, please? L… I get carsick. You know what makes me peoplesick? A rookie thinkin’ he’s good enough for Dr B. Not that it’s your business, but what makes you think I was putting moves on Dr Bradford? Hey, I’ve got heat sensors. I know what you were thinkin’ when Dr B. Gave you that smile. Now, look here. Come clean with me, or I’m gonna bounce you right outta here. I can assure you my only interest in Dr Bradford is professional. Laughing "Professional," huh? Well, good. Keep it that way, and that’s an order. - You got it? - Uh, I’m the inspector, you’re the car. I’ll tell you what you are. You’re the… Blubbering Don’t make me go "De La Hoya" on you! Isn’t there an "off" button or something? A "mute"? - Oh! - Sorry, sir! Don’t push my buttons without readin’ the manual! Ooh, watch out there, now. - Whoa! - Laughs - Hmm? - Aw, man. I got a june bug in my grille. Spits John Shouldn’t we be working together, helping people? - Why didn’t you say so? - Screech - Gasps - Yo, Clouseau… 9:00. - Left, you idiot! - Over the lock! - Shut up and let me do it. - Very observant, Gadgetmobile. - Time to do some good. - Continue Arguing - Lost your keys, fellas? - Uh, keys… Yeah, keys. - Allow me to help. - Say "bye-bye" to the rookie. Here. This ought to do it. - Oh. Thanks. - Yo! Check out the bowling shirt! Huh. I’m a bowler myself. You work at the prison? - Uh, yeah. Work at the prison. - Whispering Psst! Gadget! I’ll be getting into the law enforcement bowling league too. - There you are. Drive carefully. - We’ll see you. That’s it. I can’t take it any more. Step away from the Viper! - Hey, what’s the big idea? - Open your eyes! We got a couple of jailbreakers! Well, then, we should inform the prison guar… Wait a minute! Let’s split up. I’ll go after ‘em, and you say "ten-four." - Ten-four! - Blaring Go, go, Gadget… coils! Skates! I meant skates! - Gadgetmobile Come here, Carl Lewis. - Uh, halt! Forward! Oh, for cryin’ out loud. Go, go, forward, please! Oh, for Pete’s sake! Halt! - Grunts - Hello. Sit back and enjoy the bars. You’ll be lookin’ at ‘em for the next 20 years. Laughs - Panting - Oh! Ooh! Uh-oh. Oh, gosh! Ooh! Go, go, Gadget… Muffled grappling hook! Whoa! Cheering Wowser! On TV The Riverton Police Department has a new cop on the beat. - Here’s Tira with the story. - In an incredible display of courage, Riverton’s first cyber-crime-fighter heroically apprehended… two escaped convicts this afternoon in the downtown area. The soon-to-be inspector will be inducted into the Riverton Police Department… at a gala event tomorrow night… Why, it’s that annoying little security guard from the institute. … Riverton’s much admired budget surplus to fund… So he’s the lucky duck they plucked for the Gadget programme. Ha! Irony abounds. Sikes That’s my cruller! Gimme that! - Cat Meowing - Chuckles - Sikes! - Yes, boss? Get my tuxedo ready. Tomorrow promises to be quite an evening. So, anyone special going tonight? Well, the mayor, the governor. Any doctors? - Doctors? - You know, female doctors… very attractive female doctors. Wowser. - Screams - Blares - Is it that obvious? - Sighs Come on, Uncle John. You just need to… Ioosen up, be cool. - You been talking to my car? - What? - Huh. You’ll see. - Chuckles - Penny Fire! - Wrong finger. - Careful. - Sneezes Laughing, Chattering Excuse me. Inspector, may I have this dance? Oh. Why, sure. Yeah. You betcha. Uh, here. Let’s see if I still know how to do this. Laughing Gasps Not bad, John Brown. May I cut in? Hello. Sanford Scolex. We were at Harvard together. - We were? - Oh, you don’t recognize me. That’s because I’ve changed. I was obese. Chuckles Maybe you remember me better like this. - Gasps Yes! - Laughs Wow! Well, it’s nice to see you again. - Here you go. - You look… different. - Chuckles - Coughs Well, I’ll go get us some champagne. Oh, great idea! Three flutes of bubbly, please, Mr Gizmo. Chuckles We’ll be right here. You know, Brenda, I’m not at all surprised you’ve become such a renowned scientist. You were always the most brilliant one in school. - Chuckles No, I was a hard worker. - Oh, I remember. I used to watch the way you wrinkled your little nose, concentrating on calculations. - You did? - Mmm. You took my breath away. - I… did. - Brenda, dance with me. - You remind me of a thing Godzilla once said. - Whooping Tell me, what will you do now that the Gadget programme is completed? - Ooh. Oh. - Huh? Gasps You’re done with the Gadget thing. Come and join me at Scolex Industries. - Marvelling - Woman We’ll be right here. Ahem. I could only carry two glasses. Oh. A bientot, ma cherie. Slurps Ahh! John, h-he just offered me a job. He said that I would have unlimited funding, my own lab… and complete control of all my research. But what about your other research? The Gadget programme… are you sure you’ve worked out all the bugs? Well, um… Oh, how touching. The creator and the creation. Laughs Excuse me, Inspector, but the press would like to take some photos of us with our boys in blue. Let’s go. Singsong Photo op. Okay. Come on. - Quimby Get ready, boys. Here’s the dynamic duo. - The camera is your friend. - Watch the birdie! - Get a big smile! Chief, if you don’t mind my asking, when do I get started on my big case? Chuckling Oh, soon enough, Gadget. I have a few assignments for you to cut your teeth on first. - Big grin. That’s it. - Inspector! Over here, please! John I’ve got to talk to the chief. He’s not taking me seriously. Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, rookie. Nobody likes a whiner. Now, what are you gonna do about it? I’m ready to get tough… real tough. - Cop Here comes Gadget. - Hey, that your new partner, Gadget? - What you got, a cat burglar? - A real felon, huh? - The city’s safe now. - Cat got your tongue? Inspector Gadget reporting, sir, with the 13th… that’s a baker’s dozen… kitten I’ve pulled out of a tree this week. - Meowing - So? - Permission to speak freely, sir. - No. - Meows - Well, if you’re gonna pout. Thank you, sir. What I want to say is that, while I appreciate cute and fluffy as much as the next officer, I fear that the kitten-rescue patrol is a misuse of my capabilities. Huh. You know, I don’t get it, Gadget. Every time you… I won’t be happy until I’ve brought the murderers of Artemus Bradford to justice. Ah. And I won’t be happy until you’re off the force, and being sold, piece by piece, at some garage sale. - Slurping - I want that case, sir. Well, I’ll tell you, the problem is the Bradford case requires real police work, - and the fact is, you’re not a real police inspector. - Belches You are not a real policeman. You arejust a publicity stunt that we have to put up with. So, why don’t you just about-face… and get out of my office. Whimpers Okie-dokles, sir. I’ve pretty much completed Prometheus per your specifications, and, I must say, the likeness is really quite convincing. Good. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Kramer. Isn’t that Dr Brenda Bradford’s private data? Oh, yes. I tapped into her files and stole her research. Why would you do that? Kramer "Why would you do that? Why would you do that?" Sighing - Grunting - Ah. Oh, oh. Kramer, don’t look so nonplussed. Now that Dr Bradford is part of the Scolex team, we share everything… or at least we will. Oh, well, I think sharing files is a great way to bring the company together. You know, make sure we’re all singing off the same song sheet, so to speak. Imagine my relief to have your support. Anyway, sir, like I said, without the chip, I don’t think… Oh, so you made the chip. - Hey, that looks just like the guy we almost killed. - Oh, I didn’t hear that! Chips ahoy. - Gasping - Mumbling - Sikes Wow! - Kramer Oh, sweet Lordy. - Good morning, Robogadget. - Mumbling You havejust been animated… by the most complex computer technology in the world. - What are you going to do now? - Dings - I’m gonna kick some butt. - Gasping - Laughing Very saucy. It looks so real. Yow! - Oh! - Cackling Very good, yes! Oh, Robo, nothing can stop us now! Gotta make my own case. B, B, B, B, B, B, B… Bradford. Whirring Go, go, Gadget… magnifying glass. Increase magnification. Increase magnification. "Si." Go, go… Spanish translation. - Voice "Si" means "yes." - I knew it! Whirring Inspector Gadget, can I have your autograph? - Got any money? - Uh-uh. - Shouting - Screaming Ah! Laughing - Radio # Hey, now, you’re a rock star # - Yeah! # Get the show on, get paid All that glitters is gold # - # Only shootin’stars break the mould ## - So I’ll rule out the Spanish. But what else could "Sl"stand for? "Space Invaders"? - Nah! - "Scuba Instructor"? - No! - Hey, how about "Super Idiot"? - No, that’s not it. - Uncle John… - I love you, but I think you have a loose wire. - Laughing Oh, what about that? "Scolex Industries." Hello. Finally, there’s a detective in the house. Wait a minute. If Scolex stole the foot, then Scolex murdered Dr… Oh, no! Brenda! Gadgetmobile Time to work! - Squealing - Can you find the Scolex building from here? - Or should I call the police? - I am the police. - Hey, wait. What about me? - Gadgetmobile You’re smarter than he is. Stay in the car. I don’t mind baby-sitting you, Penny, but please tell the beagle that that’s an armrest, not a chew toy. On TV Inspector Gadget apparently has gone berserk in the downtown Riverton area. Eyewitnesses told me that he was laughing… - while he maliciously stacked these four cars. - What’s gone wrong? Other reports indicate that he’s already caused a major traffic accident, destroyed private property and set fire to an elderly man’s beard. Go, go, Gadget… grappling hook. Whoo! Screaming - Reporter Continues - John! What happened? I’ll go get Scolex. Maybe he can help. Brenda, it’s not safe here. Scolex is a liar and a thief and… Let’s just say he’s not a very good guy. Go home! Lock your doors! Stay alive! Whatever happens, I will find you. Oh, too far! Whoa! Thudding That hurt! Coughing Wowser. I knew it. You’ll pay for this, Scolex. Go, go… suction shoes. Hello? Hello? Sandy, is that you? - Gasping - Wow! - I finally get to meet you. - Y… - Sandy built me to your specifications. - You’re me? We are like totally twins. You must be Brenda. Sandy was right. I’m you. Only prettier. We probably share brain waves. Are you thinking about gelato right now? ‘Cause I am. I gotta go find John. Don’t you wanna hang out? Snoring John! Laughing Outside! It’s so beautiful! Hey, Brenda, let’s hang out, okay? Have some quality girl time. Snoring Gotcha! - Beeping - Whoa! Screaming - Huh? - Go, go, Gadget… blades. - Huh? - Grunting We have a blader. Repeat… Indistinct - Grunts - You can run, but you can’t hide. Go, go, Gadget… brake! - Grunting - Cackling Whirring Smile! - John! - ## Singing - # I got a wild wild life # - Don’t you ever stop? Oh, this is so much more cool than hanging out in that lab. All Sandy ever wants to talk about is that gross foot. Giggling - What foot? - The one he stole and copied to make me. Brenda, I’m programmed to be a cheerleader. - Cheering - Watch! Ready? Okay! # B-R-E-N-D-A # # Brenda That spells Brenda ## Trails Off Greetings, Inspector. Glad you could drop in. - I owe you one, Scolex. - Oh? You blew up me and my Chevette, and I really liked that car. Well, you crushed my hand, and I really liked that hand, so, go, go… get over it. I don’t know what you’re up to, Scolex, but you’ll never get away with it. Cackling Oh, how cliche, Inspector. I think somebody’s been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons. - Hmm? - Huh? Huh? Unfortunately, Gadget, in the real world, evil quite often prevails. I’m afraid so. Pull him up. Now, look how your replacement is helping people… - Cackling to cross the street. - Hey. He looks just like me. I don’t get it. - Why would you do this? - To make teachers! - Shut up! - Oh. Whimpering I’ll tell you why. To make technowarriors that never get tired, never get hungry… and never say "no." Every army in the world will be made up of my creations. Imagine the confusion, Gadget, huh? Imagine the perks. Comprende? Yeah, I comprende. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I comprendo. Yo comprendo. Conjugate the verb, for pity’s sake. Pull the N.S.A. Chip before he butchers another language. You’re kidding, right? Okay. You see? He’s always kidding. - I never know. - This time no. I want to make sure nobody else can develop their own android. Do it, or you’ll be building yourself a new head. - Oh. - Grunts "New head." Okay, I am not here right now. I am on the beach with dolphins, and, oh, hi, look at this starfish. I don’t feel so good. I’m sorry, Gadget. Good help is so hard to find these days. Would you mind if I do the honours? Well, here goes. Arrivederci. Ciao, ciao. Goodbye, Mr Chip. Dump this idiot in thejunkyard. Yes, boss. Cackling Oh, no, not that idiot. This one. Grunts Oh, I wish you’d be more specific. There’s an awful lot of idiots around here. - Keys Clicking - Attention, Robogadget. Destroy the city and have some fun. Okay, boss. You with the beard, come here. - Hello? John? Anybody home? - Squealing You sit back and enjoy the ride, Penny. I’m driving. Ha-ha. Remember, kids. I’m a professional car, so don’t try this at home. - Penny, where’s your uncle? - I thought he was with you. Sighs This is bad. Come on, Penny. We gotta find him. There’s something rotten in Riverton. Where you going, Gadget? The chief is very upset with you. I’m gonna have to arrest you. Hey! Get your hands off me! - Screaming Officer down! - Strike! Next time you pay for a Gadget, don’t forget the extended warranty. - Knocking - What? Let’s talk, Chief. Clicks Sure. What do you… What do you want to talk about? Politics? The Florida Marlins? L-I know you’re upset about yesterday. That was the job talking. The truth is… I want you… I want you on the Bradford case. In fact, l-I want you to lead the Bradford case. I think… Together Freeze! Hold it right there! - Shoot him! - Yelling Adios, boys! Whee! # Wild thing # # You make my heart sing # # You make everything # # Come on, wild thing ## - Growling - Screaming Laughing Ladies, I don’t like the looks of this. What would UncleJohn be doing here? I mean… Are you sure we picked up the right signal? Of course I have the right signal. You know I have Lo-Jack on my father’s side. - Continues - Continues In Japanese Gadgetmobile Uh-oh, I don’t like this. - See, I know what dogs do when they’re nervous. - Stop! - Uncle John! - Brenda Penny! Uncle John! Grunting - Penny! - Uncle John! Grunting No! Uncle John! Wake up! Please, don’t tell me. No. The N.S.A. Chip is gone. He doesn’t need the chip. He’s got the heart. He can do it all by himself. Whimpering Hmm? ## Gadget" Theme Plays Can’t be. - John? - Uncle John? - Can you hear us? - He’s alive. Brenda. - Penny? - You’re alive. L- It’s a miracle. He doesn’t need the chip. It’s my uncle John, that’s what it is. - Grunts - Whoa. - Whoo. - Barks - Giggles Way to go, rookie. We’ll make a cop out of you yet. Buckle up, kids, and stick some newspaper under that beagle. This engine’s only got two speeds: "Fast" and "Whoo, what was that?" - Where’s Scolex? - I’ll find him. You drive. Let’s see what you can do, Gadgetmobile, ‘cause I feel the need… the need for speed. Giggling, Screaming Now, if I’m home late, it just means it took a little extra time… to overthrow Scolex’s evil empire, okay? - Penny Okay! - Gadgetmobile Later, Penny. Brenda Left turn! Right turn! Screams Where’d they go? Heads up, baby! Evil dude’s limo at 12:00. - Left turn! - Got it! Okay, take the wheel. - Right! - When I give you the signal, slow down. Okay! Panting Okay. Whoo! - Now! - Grunting Groaning Gotcha! - Nice aim, Doc! - Thank you. You’re under arrest for the murder of Artemus Bradford, Scolex. - God, you’re irritating. - And you… you’re under arrest for impersonating a police officer. - Chuckling - Oh, what a tangled web we weave… Get rid of him. Cackling You just ran a stop sign. Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot foot. Hot, hot, hot. Oh, whoo! Go, go, Gadget… skis. Go, go, Gadget… snow. Go, go, Gadget… water. Go, go, Gadget… Mommy! - Hmm? - Whoa! Gasping Laughing Gadgetmobile Hey, stretch, pull over. Cackling Gasps Hey, you don’t bump the Gadgetmobile. The Gadgetmobile bumps you. I’ll go get him, boss. Sit tight. Grunting And Gadgetmobile Watch out behind you! Robogadget We’re gonna have some fun. Gadgetmobile I’m gonna make you into a compact. Whoo! Time for a bat turn. - Don’t lose that limo! - On the case, Doc! ## Western Robogadget You know how to dance, don’t you? Actually, I was taking lessons not long ago, in the hope… - Shut up and dance! - that one day l… - Uh-oh. - Cackling Clanging Chattering Go, go, Gadget… air bag. - Oh, Sikes, you lost her. - I’m gonna try to find her, boss. It’s not good, sir. Gadgetmobile Let’s use the element of surprise. Oh, surprise. Brenda, what a pleasant surprise. - Brenda, Brenda. - You! Stop, Claw! Brenda, Brenda, Brenda. You know, I love it when you call me "Claw." - So what’s new? - Hello… You killed my father! Grunting Whirring - Time. - Continues - Gadget here. - It’s about Brenda, partner. - Yeah? - Scolex is taking her to the roof. I’d save her, but I can’t fit in the elevator. I’m on my way. You know what they say about nice guys finishing last? - Huh? - Well, they were wrong. Go, go, Gadget… oil slick. Toothpaste? Whaa! What happened to you? Let me put it this way. I got the Skittles kicked out of me. I’ll be right back. - Oh. Penny, why are you here? - Evidence! Growling Hey, Gadget. It’s a clip-on. Laughing Okay, Brain. No, no, no, Brain, you go that way. I’ll go this way. Groaning I gotta destroy the evidence. Why couldn’t it be a finger? I could be working at my dad’s store right now… selling nails, hammers and power drills. Yes! Power drills rock! Get in there! Groaning - Clanging - Grunting - Well, who are you? - Whoa, there, big boy. - Um, hi, there. - Hello. Why’s that foot in the toilet? I was, uh, cleaning it. So what’s your name? Uh, I’m Sikes. You know, Sikes, you look more like the kind of guy who should be, um… uh… helping someone pick out good weather stripping. My old man had a hardware store. - Ringing - Robogadget Telephone! It’s mine. - Hello? - Girls Hi, Mr Gadget. - Nicole and Kim, how’d you get the number of my hand? - From Penny. Is she there? Penny isn’t here right now, but you can call her at home, okay? - She’s not home, but we’ll try her again. - Okay, bye. - Bye. - What do they mean, she’s not at home? Screaming Whee, whee! Oh! Oh, no! Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh! Cackling I don’t get it, Claw. What’s your plan now? Since my dreams for a global robotic empire… - Growling - Screaming Mongrel! My pants! Oh, God! Mongrel. Next thing you know… Next thing you know, you’re a minion. Sobbing You’re a minion. I’m a minion. Ooh! Oh! Ow, ow! Uncle. - Hey, hey, don’t touch that. - Gasping Hey. Hey, what’d you do that for? We shouldn’t be fighting. We’ve got a lot in common, except I’ve got nicer teeth. I’d hoped that we could’ve worked together, been partners. Together, you and I could’ve… British Accent R-r-ruled the world. You should’ve quit while you were "ahead." Cannonball! Laughing - Ooh! - Ooh-la-la! Whooping Go, go, Gadget… chopper. Contact. Wheezing Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-oa! How do ya… whoa… fly this thing? Oh! Oh, no! Go, go back. Up, up, up, up. Good, good, good, good. Oh, bad, bad, bad. Screaming My hair! Sit back and relax, darling. Tongue Screaming Whoa! Hey! I can see my house from here. Whoa! Two things, Scolex! One: You are completely insane. And two: I liked you better fat. - Gasps - Meows Bring on the brownies! Hah! Wheel in the waffles! I’m ready to binge! Laughing Darn! That fellow will not give us a break! For the third time… Sanford Scolex, you are under arrest! No! Go, go, go, go, go, go, Gadget! Cackling - John! - Oh, no! Let me give you a lift. Cackling Where can I drop you off? I’d answer, but I doubt you really care. John! I’m up here! Take my hand! Hi, John. How are you doing down there? - John! - Brenda "John!" Brenda John, I know you can save us! Think of something! I’m working on it. Hurry! Grunting Voice Echoing Try to visualize your goal. Gasping Screams Back to the drawing board! Brenda, jump! Right on my back! Oh, Brenda, don’t jump. For God’s sake, we can work this out, darling. - Sweetie pie, really! - Screaming My God. Me… I’m out of control. Screaming Go, go, Gadget… air brakes. Go, go, Gadget… aeroplane. I don’t know what to go, go any more! Didn’t you read the manual? Try something else! Go, go, Gadget… glider. Go, go, Gadget… balloon. Go, go, Gadget… parachute. Go, go, Gadget… giant trampoline. Go, go, Gadget… circus net. Go, go, Gadget… featherbed. Go, go, Gadget… hay wagon. Go, go, Gadget… bubble wrap. Go, go, Gadget… parasail. Parakeet. Paraglider. Parasol. - Umbrella? - John, you did it. - You saved our lives. - I did? I guess I did. Wowser! - Just watch out for the big head. - Understood. - You know, arrogance can sneak up on you. - No, that big head! John! Are you okay? Gadget. Oh, hello, Brenda. Are you breathing? I think so. How’s your central vallecular equilibrator feeling? It feels pretty good. And how’s your auto-axle lubricator functioning? It’s functioning fully. - Oh, Gadget. - What is it? - Is my occipital piston slipping? - No. I just never realized… what beautiful brown eyes you have. Screaming It’s a high-fly Scolex. The Gadgetmobile pulls under it. The crowd’s going crazy. - He makes the catch! - Meows - We made it! - Ladies and gentlemen, Scolex is out and that is the game! Final score: Gadgetmobile… one, Scolex… zippo. And the fans rush the field. Chuckles No autographs, please. Please, y’all, come on, now. - Freeze! Get back! - Gentlemen, there’s been some kind of a mistake. Penny Chief! Oh, sorry, kiddo. I’m gonna have to place your uncle under arrest. - Freeze! - Don’t move, Gadget! Well, I just thought you’d wanna know… that Sanford Scolex created an evil version of my uncle to terrorize Riverton. - Is that true? - Every word of it. She’s an amazing young woman. She held up a mirror to my misguided ways in the service of Mr Scolex. I’m sorry, Chief. Here’s the foot. I didn’t know any better. Et tu, Sikes? - Cover him, men! - Grunting Gadgetmobile They’re all yours, fellas. Wowser. Excuse me! Press! Excuse me! Mayor on the premises. The shepherd needs her sheep. Yes, it is a credit to myself and my administration… that we had the courage to believe in and initiate the Gadget programme. - Chattering - Scolex Arrivederci, Gadget! This is not goodbye. I’ll get you next time, Gadget. I’ll get you. Wowser. Gadgetmobile A happy ending. What could be better than true love? - Ooh, cute little bug. Wait up, fraulein. - Honking Did you know I speak German? Fahrvergnugen, baby. # Inspector Gadget # Hello, and welcome to Robobrendaerobics… where I’ll be your host, Robobrenda. Follow me. It’s gonna be fast. And kick, and kick, and kick… And kick, and kick, and kick, and fall. # Inspector Gadget # # Inspector Gadget Ooh-ooh # # Inspector Gadget # # Gadget Inspector Gadget # Hi. My name is Sikes. - Together Hi, Sikes. - And I’m a minion. But it’s been 30 days since I last kissed up to anyone! Cheering # Go, Gadget, go # This is the coolest watch. It’s a radio, a computer, even a phone. Testing, testing. Brain, say something. Come in. Over. Adams’ Voice Brain is not here. Please leave a message at the sound of the woof. Woof! Beeping Hey, thanks for watching my movie. Yeah, my movie. Even though we called it Inspector Gadget. I know you all are wondering… things with the Volkswagen are working out real good. We got married in Las Vegas in a drive-through chapel. We’re expecting a little subcompact any day now. Thinking of calling him "The Love Bug," which is in no way a plug for my employer, the Walt Disney Company. Although when our little one is old enough, his first words will be… "I’m going to Disneyland!" But don’t any of you leave for theme parks just yet. All these fine people in the credits made me look good. # You can call me when you want me # - # If you need a friend you got me # - # I’ll be your everything # # Fulfil your every dream # # We can do it automatic I just call out Go, go, Gadget # # I’ll be your everything # # You’ll see I’m everything you want and more # # I knew the moment that we met # # I had to be a part of you Someone you won’t forget # # So don’t say I’m like the other few # # No matter what’s going down you’ll find me next to you # # Girl, I’ll be your Superman I’ll do what no one can # # You’ll find that I’m the everything that you need # # Deep down inside of you # # No matter what you do # # You’ll see I’m everything you want and more # # You can call me when you want me # - # If you need a friend you got me # - # I’ll be your everything # # Fulfil your every dream # # We can do it automatic I just call out Go, go, Gadget # # I’ll be your everything # # You’ll see I’m everything you want and more # # No sweat The Claw is on his way # # Don’t worry about him catching you # # Don’t even be afraid # # Somehow, some way I’ll find out what’s the deal # # And I’ll be there to rescue you You’ll see that I’m for real # # Girl, I’ll be your Superman # # I’ll do what no one can # # You’ll find that I’m the everything that you need # # Deep down inside of you # # No matter what you do # # You’ll see I’m everything you want and more # # You can call me when you want me # # If you need a friend you got me # - # I’ll be your everything # - # Girl # - # Fulfil your every dream # - # Everything you want and more # # We can do it automatic I just call out Go, go, Gadget # # I’ll be your everything # # You’ll see I’m everything you want and more # - # And more # - # Everything, girl # # Don’t you know # # Call me when you want me # # I’m gonna be there, baby ## Gadgetmobile Wow, you made it through credits, and we didn’t offer you anything for free. Movie audiences are the best audiences in the world. Now, get out, go home. Leave, vamoose. You got to go. I am tired. Please, go home. Go home, go home, go home. Good night, Riverton!